He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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