Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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