And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize