Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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