Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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