U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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