He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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