apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize