then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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