Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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