it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize