i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize