this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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