U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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