i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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