kristin has been a bad kristin
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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