My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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