Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just high enough for therapy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Randomize