The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how does that bad decision feel?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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