you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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