Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
im on a boat
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