is your mom at the bar?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize