So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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