also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize