Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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