Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize