Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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