every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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