I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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