3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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