Who did Billy Mays play for?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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