I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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