Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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