I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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