did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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