My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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