why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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