Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Rumble strips road head = magical
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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