i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize