planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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