Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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