i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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