I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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