are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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