Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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