my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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