My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Congratulations! We have a period
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