he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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