Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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