Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize